Garden of sharing

I have talked about my garden already, how it is somewhat an expression of who I am. I need to add that it is also a reminder of my friends, an extension of their lives into my garden.

Anybody who is into gardening tends to share. Their plants overgrow and need to be divided in order to keep the garden light and airy. That's when friends exchange plants with each other. I have many plants that were given to me and I remember who gave me every single one of them.

I lost my friend L. last year to breast cancer. Among other things, we shared a love of birds and flowers, beautiful gardens, nature, etc. However, ours was a complicated friendship and in the last few years of her life, we had fallen out. I had hoped that we would resolve our issues some day, but that day never came. I was perhaps a little too honest to her liking about her shortcomings as a mother and as a friend and she made it clear to a mutual friend of ours that she did not want to see me again.

During her last days, under the influence of heavy painkillers perhaps somewhat mixed with the lucidity of a dying person, she asked her son why I wasn't coming to see her. He replied: "Don't you remember, Mom? You had a fight." She said: "We did? Oh, please tell her I'm sorry."

I couldn't go to the funeral. I couldn't bring myself to. I carry a lot of sadness and a lot of guilt still from our falling out and it weighs heavily on my heart. I did however write a long, heartfelt letter to her family to let them know that I still cared and still valued our fourteen years of friendship.

I also told them about how every time I was in my garden looking at the phloxes and the black-eyed susans L. gave me, I thought of her and how these flowers were really a way for her to live on.

Then there's M., my wonderful friend and neighbour. M. gave me hostas, ferns and other flowers. M. was an avid gardener who tended to her gardens with great care and perfection, which in itself was a true reflection of the military training and discipline she had received while in the Royal Air Force.

Unfortunately, last summer my dear friend M. suffered a debilitating stroke that left her confined to a wheelchair. Her husband and her had to sell the house and move into a condo to accommodate her wheelchair. No more gardening for her...Now, there is a young couple living in their house, and they could care less about gardening. The whole thing is slowly getting overtaken by weeds and their big dog is trampling over all the plants. So sad.

Before M. and her husband moved out, I asked if I could take a few plants with the promise of taking very good care of them: a giant Blue hosta which was M.'s pride and joy and a lovely vintage rosebush which blooms its little heart out well into fall, which they both cherished.

In hindsight, a very smart move, as these gorgeous plants would now be neglected. Now safely tucked in my garden, I cherish and appreciate them every day, and keep that wonderful connection with my dear friend.

My neighbour S. on the other side, gave me her surplus hostas too. These hostas look totally different from the ones I already had, so it adds interest. She also gave two gorgeous rosebushes because at the time, her children were very young and she was scared that they would hurt by the thorns. These rosebushes remind me what a caring mom and a caring person she is!

And finally there is my friend J. who gave me a few pretty columbines, and to me, they are a perfect reflection of her: they are colourful, charming, vivacious and hardy.

Like my circle of friends, all these elements come together to form a harmonious vision, and I revel in their company and love every one of them, thorns and all.

I think he's all right?

So my oldest daughter works at a café to pay for university. Most of the time she enjoys it enough, but she is learning a lot about human behaviour and how to deal with people and their manners, or lack thereof.

You wonder why some people have no manners? Well, she witnessed it first hand. After a lady customer placed an order with a lot of demands (this much coffee, this hot, with this much hot water added, etc, etc.), she sends her six year old boy to the counter while she watches from her table.

My daughter: "What can I get you?"

Boy: "Glass of ice."

My daughter: "Glass of ice please!"

The mother: "I think he's all right."

I think he's all right? What kind of comment is that? Twenty years ago, the parent would have boxed that kid's ear. While I'm not condoning physical punishment, I would have never let my kid get away with this sort of behaviour, six years old or not! Six years old is certainly old enough to have manners. Heck, Barney sings to two year olds about manners.

What kind of lessons is this mother teaching her kid? That he can make demands for free stuff from an overworked, underpaid young girl and not even say please and thank you? He's on his way to become a totally self-engrossed, self-entitled jerk. Just like Mom!

Clearly, he's not all right.

Hot enough for ya?

The air conditioner broke down. Right when the heat wave started. Of course. Then the dishwasher broke down. Of course. I say of course because that's how these things go. Murphy's law and all that.

So for the past couple of weeks we have been doing hot sinkfuls of dishes in the sweltering heat, with sweat pouring down our brow. And I'm feeling sorry for myself because I can't seem to tolerate the heat. It makes me (even more) miserable and grouchy.

On days like these, I can't help but think about my grandmas who had to live like that, all while wearing girdles and raising 11 and 16 kids, without microwaves, freezers, automatic washers, dryers or other modern day conveniences. During the depression no less.

They are my heroes.

The new dishwasher arrived today, promising to be even more efficient than the old one. The new air conditioning unit arrives tomorrow, also to be more efficient.

Tomorrow night, I will fill up the dishwasher, turn on the air, and go for a refreshing swim. I will sleep so well! It will be grand.

And from that moment on, I promise to be more appreciative of all my conveniences, in memory of my grandmothers, two amazing women who accomplished so much with so little.

Not right now, though, I'm too hot to be bothered.

The Middle T.V. Series

I'm in love with this new T.V. series. Check it out when you get a chance. This is a sitcom about a very average North American family, a mom, a dad, 3 kids. So far, nothing special and yes, there has been a lot of sitcoms about average North American families before, but this family is the most realistic T.V. family I have seen. None of that Cosby family or Leave It to Beaver perfection. These folks are it. They hit the average family nail dead on the head. Perfectly. Eerily. Eerily because the dialogue is so real, it sounds like the writers are standing under our kitchen window listening to our banter while we do dishes and taking note. This family is us, we're them. Well, we don't have a weird grade one kid with the ability to read at a grade 25 level (so brilliantly played by the adorable Atticus Shaffer, a kid with a great name and a great future), but the rest of the family? Yup. As close to imperfection as us. Even their house is decorated like most of us do, in the mishmash fashion of odds and ends accumulated over 20 years of marriage.

And then there's the title. It stands for Middle America, Middle of the road, Middle class, whatever spin you want to give it. This family doesn't pretend to be at the top or even at the bottom. It's in the middle. In other words, average. It doesn't pretend to be something it's not and that's why it rings true for us. The parents are tired, they cut corners, but they try hard and they mean well. It sums us up so beautifully.

Great cast, great writers. A rare little jewel in the somewhat tarnished crown of television, a crown so overloaded by mediocre reality shows these days.

NOISE!!

Unlike many people, we don't own a cottage. My husband and I decided long ago that we had enough maintaining one house, we didn't see the point of driving 4 hours somewhere to go clean another house, lol! So, instead, we have turned our little backyard into an oasis of peace. Pool, two-tiered deck with a nice table and chair set for eating al fresco, and outdoors chairs, sofa and coffee table on the lower deck, a great place to lounge in the shade, read a book or sip a cocktail. A plethora of shade trees, evergreens, shrubs and flowers complete the peaceful scenery.

On week-ends, if it is a nice sunny day, we plan carefully so as to run all errands in the morning, so we can enjoy the afternoon outside, including the dinner menu on the barbecue. A mini-vacation if you will.

We swim, we read the paper or a magazine, then we cook dinner and finally sit down to enjoy it.

And that's when it starts.

The lawnmowers, the weed whackers, the hedge trimmers. It's like the neighbours see us sit down and at the first bite, wham, they fire up their power tools. Why is it that the retired neighbour decides to mow his lawn at six o'clock on a Sunday night? Why is it that the housewife next door, the one that doesn't work but still has a nanny decides to trim hedges right as we're having a celebratory birthday dinner with family, on a week-end? Why is it that the neighbour two doors down decides to start building his deck as I am about to take my first bite of strawberry shortcake of the year?

Grrrrrrrr!

So much for my oasis of peace.

A little word of advice to all who read me. Be thoughtful when you're planning to work in the yard. Not too early in the morning and certainly NOT during dinners, especially if your neighbours are having a barbecue.

Well, unless it's the divorcee neighbour who lives behind you, who has obnoxious drunk parties for her teenagers at which she outdrinks all the kids, parties that last til the wee hours of the night with total disregard to all the neighbours, who has sex in plain sight in her hot tub while we're entertaining (more on that another day). Then you have my permission.

I hear cottage dwellers have pretty much the same problems too, though. Jet skis and speed boats disturb the tranquility of the lakes and they have their share of rowdy drinkers too.

At least I don't have to drive four hours to get there and maintain a second house. So I guess I'll keep enjoying my backyard. It's not always all bad all the time. We steal whatever moments of peace and quiet we can.

Have a great summer, all!

Cat person or dog person?

Most people claim to be either a cat person or a dog person. For as long as I can remember, I have loved animals, in all shapes and forms, with the exception of spiders (but that's an entirely other post). I feel a deep empathy for them, and I feel guilty about the way the whole of mankind treats them. It is their world too, but we feel we must reign supreme over them because we are supposedly much more intelligent and much higher beings. Huh. We cage them, we tame them, we make them work for us, all in an attempt to feel superior. We are polluting their world, we are infringing more and more on their territories and distroying their habitats because we are so selfish. Just look at the offshore oil leak. Who can forget the pictures of majestic pelicans reduced to an oiled covered blob?

Well, I feel we owe animals big time. Especially dogs and cats and other domesticated pets, who get bought, then abandoned at the first sign of a problem. I volunteer at a shelter, so I have heard it all. I see so many animals come in, who in spite of being abandoned and even abused, still look at you with loving eyes and still trust humans. How remarkable. This one cat in particular would literally give all the volunteers hugs, while purring ever so loudly. And so many dogs, who wag their tails as soon as you walk into sight!

They could be bitter, but they choose to forget and to continue trusting. I adopted a cat who was abandoned in a cardboard box in a parking lot, very pregnant. She was bounced around until she ended up in my foster care, but not before being exposed to a cold like virus. As a result, all the kittens (8 of them!), who were born healthy, caught her virus, but being so little and defenseless, they all died, one by one. We went through a roller coaster of emotions, from watching the miracle of their births to seeing them wither away...I hate her previous owners for first of all not spaying her, then letting her roam outside and get pregnant, and then, as if that was not enough, abandoning her for being pregnant even though it was their fault!

Well, guess what. She is the best cat in the world, she purrs so loudly you can hear her through the house! Their loss. Our wonderful gain.

We also have a cute little dog who has a personality as big as the sky. We adopted her at eleven weeks, She is now eleven years old, and there are no sad story about her, just a good loving, normal life, which is the way it should be.

So when you ask me if I'm a dog person or a cat person, I reply, "I am both". We don't have to choose. You're allowed to be both, and you're even allowed to be an all emcompassing "animal person"!

So go ahead. Love an animal. Love them all.

"To err is human, to forgive is canine." - Anonymous

Garden Eden

I love walking in my garden. It's not big by any means, it's not glorious, it's deeply flawed like me, but on any given day, if I'm feeling stressed, a little walkabout has the power of grounding me (no pun intended!). I breathe in the smells, I take in the pleasing visual textures, from the various shapes of the leaves to the many hues of the petals and, like magic, the stress dissolves away. There's something satisfying about watching the plants grow and evolve and know that you and nature (mostly nature) had a hand at creating this.

My younger daughter has no interest in gardening. She claims that when she'll be older, she will live in a condo and make sure there's no garden to take care of. She doesn't know it yet but this will change. I remember I could care less too at her age. You could not have paid me to look at plants. I tell her we'll talk in ten years.

And I'm always sad when winter rolls around. I hate being cooped up inside. I like the windows wide open and fresh air streaming through the house. I have house plants but I just don't like them the same way as I do garden plants. Maybe it's the fact that it is so cyclical that makes me like the garden so much. If it was static and year long, I would get bored. Maybe it's the fact that it evolves constantly. As much as I dream of living in a warmer country, I think I would get bored of cultivating cacti. I need the variety, the constant change. After all, variety is the spice of life.

To my first time!

There. I did it. I finally decided to start a blog. Queen of procrastination here. Well, procrastinating over. Here I am.

This blog is going to be about everything and nothing. Therefore the title "De tout, de rien", which is French for everything and nothing. I want to talk about anything that catches my fancy at any given moment. About my experiences. About how I feel. About how other people make me feel. About things that are fair or unfair, as the case may be. I want to be able to voice my concerns, my opinions, my views, my thoughts. I want to be able to bitch about all the injustices of the world and about all my pet peeves. And Lord knows I have a few of those!

Anyway, I hope you follow me on my blogging journey and that I provide you with some food for thought or, at the very least, some entertainment.

To my first blog ever!